Teaninich Distillery, Scotland     founded: 1817 | active
For more detailed mapping of the distilleries in the area from our whisky map page, use this link.

Whisky club 69 (wahey!). Initial research found a blend called VAT 69, but it didn’t sound that exciting. Teaninich is one of the largest distilleries in Scotland, but very little whisky makes it out as a single malt – most of it goes into blends, including VAT 69.

Hello delicate little bee in a pink dress. My sherbert dip, my marzipants. Watch me drizzle honey all over my lemon, as I slowly unpeel my banana and undress this orange with my teeth. Take a freshly fucked pineapple and cocoNuts and voila – it’s a Penis Colada.

'Pepper Pig' arrives in Herbie (he’s gone bananas) dressed in a cardboard bikini. She walks into the bedroom, the Balkan honey, clutching imaginary hogweed flowers. Ginger spice is in the bathroom taking a golden syrup shower. "I'll give you an Thai massage", she says… a few vodka and Fanta Lemons later came the spicy ending…"pass the butter".

The length? It matters. It’s a micro finish, a wizard's penis on a cold day, a short prostitute skinny dipping in a paddling pool. But confusingly, it also goes on… all night long…

This being the 69th whisky club the first tasting game had a fruity twist – extra bonus sex points were on offer for noses, finishes, or tastes that matched AND were sextastic. You may have noticed...

~£45 (70cl)

WhiskyBase: Teaninich 10-year-old   |   https://www.whiskybase.com/whisky/202/teanini

We've always scored out of 10 in our group (see number in red box, below), with scores regularly given across that spectrum. The value out of 100 below is adjusted to the scale most commonly used for whisky reviews, to allow for better comparison.

66 / 100