Zimbabwean mint & lamb crisps take us in an unusual direction before we're redirected to herbs and freshly cut grass. Roast pork and yoghurt sounds like a tasty dish, but it's all washed down with evil gingerbread!

Some unusual nosing techniques attempted here (giving the unusual category of 'taste on the eye', conclusion: sting-y), and someone said "the biggest fucking joke in the whisky club", we're virtually "100% farm" sure this wasn't meant negatively towards the nose, but who kno...

We're saying medium, but on the short side like Steffi Graf serving on a 15 mile tennis court. It's spicy or maybe popping candy as it dissipates, the sweetness of marshmallows sneaking in towards the end.

It’s foosty, like an old Scout Patrol tent or a wool tie from a charity shop. There are also notes of syrup, burnt jam and perhaps a meaty flavour? It’s going to be 'ham-azing' to taste..!

Someone’s on the Grapa instead (there’s always one) - bet you it’s the one smelling the 15-19 year old girls perfume and exclaiming ‘You've got nice cornicing’..... hello!

It was still aligned with normality when strawberry Starburst and buttery were observed (or obnosed), but then we got a bit abstract: an isolated pond, 'quite sorry like campers' (?), a man peeing on a night out ("Sheila 2014") and deep-fried pig rectum (!)..

The outdoor picnic continues – not sure if there is enough food to go round but glad everyone remembered to bring their herbs and seasoning: plenty of black pepper, rosemary, thyme and fresh peppermint.

Apricots are squabbling with the ripe bananas while the fruit salad looks on in horror at the remains of the raspberry dripping off the blades of a blender. You can almost literally smell the unmistakable smell of the brains of one of the Californian raisins from the adverts...

Those savoury thoughts expand out to mid-Century Scandinavian rosewood unpolished furniture, the feeling of a recently blown out match on the tongue and an olive oily texture (no, we weren't drunk, promise.).

"Smells radge" and "holy fuckballs!" sum up the general feeling towards the smell, although there was some variation, with one saying it smelled boring, hard to place, generic and not very good and another saying it was the best nose of any whisky they'd experienced

Most people felt this had a medium finish (20 yards out?), which kinda means a short finish as no one ever says short, except the people who said short and one who sat on the fence so much we creosoted her, saying 'short-to-medium-to-long'. One wag (in the droll, not doll, s...

These tasty flavours are also in competition with moth balls and a slight fiery chili that creeps up on you.. but it's balanced with a creamy sweetness - like the Mexican devil throwing crème brûlées at you from behind a cactus.

A Cognac that goes from being "reet fruity" all the way to "Fuck me, that's grapey".

It's definitely rubbery but also really sweet (brown sugar), creamy (cream soda, butter) and peppery (er.. pepper). "What do cymbals smell like?" ("cymbolic?" - it's no longer clear how well this joke went down..). In fact, it smells of cymbal cleaner - the drummers in the a...

With Russell's declaration that he went to an amateur wrestling match ringing in our ears, we cracked on with the smells. The result reads like a shopping list for the dessert menu of an ailing restaurant, whose chef is unable to see the difference between wackiness for its ...

'Salted almonds'. As far as openings go, in an olfactory game of chess, that truly was a Grob's Attack. So much so, that it was immediately declared to be 'wrong'. But foolhardy he or she who dismisses the Swiss International Master Henri Grob..

Some fondly remembered encounters of uncloven animals chewing on some grass. For others, it is trip to France for some Tarte Tatin covered in custard.

Woody, cheesy with Jalapenos and a coastal sea air wafting in bringing metallic iron to an empty hipflash.

It was very medicinal (but unlike usual Islay medicine, more like homeopathic 'medicine' - ARGHH). Don't read too much into that, it smelled amazing - but a bit less 'classic Kilchoman' than the 129.1.

Much like the nose we have a continued deep, rich sweetness, with milk chocolate, and toffee apples. In fact it's like “skiing into a giant chocolate caramel but then there's a hole in the chocolate like your exact shape – then there's an instant move into toffee�.

There’s something else going on too, it’s kind of dry and tangy, like ironmongery perhaps? Or flat Tennents and skunk? Sounds like a dangerous combo…

This has a powerful, aromatic capriciousness (best taken orally) but still has a whiff of an unfinished PowerPoint, which Ali was convinced had something to do with The Pelican Brief and the taste of his school pal Nick Marsh.

You'd think any tasting review that starts with "like lava at Mount Fugu!" would be firmly put in its place for terrible cultural mismatching, but I'm pretty sure this 'error' was intended - it was hot, fiery and there was a small chance of a poisonous death, but if you trea...

A long finish with a slow fade away that's very sweet and salty, whilst a new creaminess comes to the fore multiplying the fruitiness and sweetness of the taste into some banana ice cream.

Icelandic wood then shifts us towards white wine vinegar and cloves, with basil sitting out there on its herby lonesome (who incidentally sounds like a 50s blues singer)

Christmas pudding seemed to feature for more than one person, but its rich depth only truly came out with a few warm up drams - but had the ability to beat its way to first place.

'Touch Tackie!' - If I recall correctly, it was the hazy summer of 1996 when Brandy released her worldwide smash, Toffifee & Milo. Well, actually it wasn't, was it? But we did indeed get 'brandy' with those two.

Tastes 'de-lish' and unlike a grain. In fact, this could easily be an island dram - it's sweet and then... smoky? It's hard to categorise but it 'doesn't taste like rat piss', which is always a bonus.

There was also bitterness, florals, some tea tannins and hibiscus. Apparently, there was slight war on the tongue, with S&M toy soldiers.. I'm not too sure where that came from.

A really intriguing taste with exotic origins: onion bhajis with yoghurt dip, lemon rind, Eat Me dates (the hottest kind..?), cardamom, cheesy curry. Then things got a bit sweeter to nicely balance the exotica - pineapple juice (and Hamish's terrible joke...now forgotten), p...

There are memories of the Jorvik Museum, nasty sea water, damp swamps, a used griddle and dunking your head in the river – we all hold those dear.

In a sort of mad festive disaster, the Christmas pudding meets glue and hot tyres on a Formula 1 track, whilst the Quality Street get covered in coffee cream and lavender.

Cigar lounge whisky, Gary Lineker's Sex Face (potential for a band name right there) and metallic (but not Metallica).

Your tongue tingles with this one - imagine grating black pepper onto your tongue, or as one put it, 'ant blood'.

After a few more sniffs it appeared to conjure deeper, more sentimental, notes of girl’s plastic toys (‘My little Pony’ to be exact), old lady perfume (controversially 43+ years), the Chinese fan on Shelley’s wall, Windolene and for those amongst us who obviously had a more...

A new wooden snare (the excitement of Hamish receiving a new snare; imagine winning it for £1 on ebay!), WHISKY! burnt sugar, Omar Sharif, stewed cherries, Jack Spaniels, orange blossom & mahogany.

The tastes on the finish mostly strayed towards the savoury end of the palate, with mild chili pepper, cinnamon, taco spice, salted peanuts and sun-dried tomatoes. Sherbert and melon came along to the party in the mouth, but no one could remember if they were invited - they ...

Various kinds of confectionary are vying for our attention here - of the sucky sweet variety (cola cubes, barley sugars), more fruit-based efforts (fruit salads, tangfastics) and finally dark chocolate.

There appear to have been a couple of camps (not glamps) here, with some getting an intense, dry, woody vibe and some a fruity sweetness - weird.

Yeah it's woody, it's the painful nectar of the gods, it's glacier mints, black jacks, fig rolls, and crunchie bars.

If i were going to stick any firework up my arse, it would be a roman candle - so it looks like you're pooping fire

In general “fruity as shit�! There is also some grassy, fresh sweetness – like the juice from a fruit salad...or perhaps “an acidic power that you might find in a lab and not sure if you should lick it�.

A used rubber (not that type) and the smell of tea tree oil moves things into confusing directions and it's difficult to know which path to take back, but whichever path you take, it'll no doubt be lined with sangria, salt, orange and grapefruit.

From the sawmills to the farmyard, with undertones of burning turf and old leather, it’s stylishly unrefined. And for those dessert enthusiasts, there’s even a dollop of molasses in there to sweeten the deal.

The positive was almond flour. The rest was diluted whisky, clean, empty, acid reflux and a burst balloon. The finish was minus two.

The aromas wafted to the cafe next door where weekend brunchers were deciding on raspberry jam, burnt orange marmalade or honey (specifically Futurama space bee honey) to drizzle on their hot crumpets

Dry sherry, 'cherry sherry', "a beautiful Highland landscape" (sarcasm), heathery sheep-turds (sarcasm?), Chupa Chups and toffee.

A Scottish terrier popped along, with salty driftwood, a chalk cave and spirits. Maraschino cherries made up the fruity contingent (of one) and then... I feel angry typing this.. (who said this?!), "jodhpurs after you've been for a ride". Some people, eh?

Pop this under yo schnozzer and it's immediately festival time, one where you hang around by the sea, breathe in the coastal air, have a BBQ with some seagulls and get beaten to death by a peat fire!

But, oh no! What's this? It's only Inappropriate Culturally-mis-matching Pudding Man! "I see you're enjoying a nice Japanese bath! Here, have some crème caramel and Christmas pudding, you idiot!". He then faded into the steamy evening, with only the slowly receding clip-clop...

"I'm going to say lavender flavoured". *silence* ..then.. "what did you say? What the fuck did you say?". From another reviewer: "no way." Talk of it smelling like a Jalfrezi was laughed away (as intended), but a suggestion that it was like "old woman-y perfume" wasn't (as i...

Coriander and over cooked cabbage mingle with a definite ‘Iron’ smell of blood – raw black pudding to be exact. Perhaps a wee bit feisty like Atomic fire balls or even ‘Hepatitis E’.

The pitch is ploughed, the javelin throw has failed and we've been rugby tackled by a mint rocket gargling chilli water and vacant peat. Emergency stop please.

Sweetness came in in the form of a Flake, some fudge, a donut and a dank, old cupboard in a hospital. Actually, scatch that last one…

We taste old-school sweets and, displaying scant regard for the actual process involved, honey 'direct from a bee's bum'.

Back on the snacks as we gorge ourselves on peanuts and popcorn all the way to the bottom of the bag as we get the unpopped corn stuck in our teeth.

One thought it was 'unfun' and that is goes down like a pint of crushed glass. Others were more positive in their review: Smells of arse, but tastes nice. Grape shit. Toxic waste. And some were bordering on glowing in praise: Flippers.

Liquorice, marshmallows and jelly oranges bring some childishness to the sweet class, whilst flambéed Christmas pudding, boozy carrot cake, cinnamon swirls and vanilla ice cream and even some acidic cheese escalate the post-dinner madness with an unexpected pudding course....

You've been sent to a hospital by the sea with the unfortunate condition of having caramelised your bananas. After the decent run of medical science, it transpired in the late 2020s that actually herbal medicine and alternative therapies were correct, and they swiftly replac...

Gob-stopping sweetness; Cherry Coke, cream soda and apricot jam but with the sour ending of the last sugary key lurking at the bottom of a packet of Tangfastics.

If there was ever a whisky whose nose was no indication of what was to come in the palate, then here it is. It's like a nasal ninja, popping up your nose and lieing to your face.

Imagine you've successfully crossed a bee with a dragon and this creature produces large quantities of honey and also breathes fire. Any given day you have a 50:50 probability of being burnt or grabbing some of the honey he's produced.

More unusually, we finally picked up hints of the aftertase of a polystyrene cup you've had soup in and when you chew a pencil and get through to the lead..

Oh dear. I think things got a bit out of hand... Apparently tastes include SPUNK (jizz), PR@WNS!!!, the lack of fish and 'like standing on the side of the road under the Botswana sun waiting for a car that will never come'.

In some kind of mad banana-fuelled rage, he storms out the room, picks up his damp laundry and coffee cake and runs off into the chorizo horizon.

"It's unclear whether the latter was simply a reference to the length of nail that the pneumatic drilling would be sensibly combined with, or a clever twist on the the band 9 Inch Nails, and this was in fact suggesting this whisky was like pneumatic drilling on a stage for w...

Hmm, this is a young whisky, but does that explain the whiff of teenage boys’ aftershave? Oh no, I see, it’s just Chad Kroeger, munching on a mars bar.

We’re down on the farm and we are smoking everything from cheese and tofu, to pigs ears and sausage. And not just any farm, it’s a kinky farm with the condoms stacked up on the fetish tractor.

Oranges, orange rind, pith..."What a pithy comment" - Phil (no one laughs). "Says a guy who chases his whisky with milk" - Christina (people laugh). "Another pithy comment!" - Ali L (reaction unrecorded).

Unripe stewed rhubarb, post-cocaine back-nose dribble (hints of), rosewater, sweet fresh oak, a distant chemical toilet, feijoa (A made-up fruit from NZ)..

This went both ways for people: some hated it, some liked it a lot and some thought it was cracking fun. It tasted like everything on a farmyard blended together, some moist sawdust and cherried bog water. And when 'cherried bog water' is the most encouraging taste, you know...

Nettles grow from cracks in the floor and through a broken window you can almost taste the pine trees and distant rock pools blown into the happy gathering. A small child has grazed her knee and while she blubs and munches liquorice and burnt candy a nurse applies TCP to the...

A short-to-medium finish, described by one as, "the length of time between New Zealand winning the 2011 Rugby World cup and their next World Cup win" - 4 years as it turned out. This was then qualified as "in the context of Rugby World Cups, as short as could possibly be" (p...

Pepper spray and chilis start the emergency, with burnt sugared-apple and burnt birch bark hampering the rescue efforts - once inside, the air is still tingly and a smell of vinegar lingers.

Quite light... "it's not an unpleasant thing to put in your mouth though, right?". [bagpipes are drowning us out...] Phil describes bagpipes as "an audible version of a headache". Ooga booga booga!

The finish is a fleeting pepper balsamic vinegar, an insistent hot and sour soup, a subtle peppered mackerel, a lingering post-Thai chilli high, a melodramatic steakhouse pepper and a breezy flat 7up - unique!

Before battle, the two teams feast on sweet treats of honey, Cointreau, honeycomb, molasses and Crunchie bars. Once the fighting is over, the wounds are carefully washed with a little rose water and patched up with some plasters... who knows who the victor was, it's a fictio...

When a whisky is described as 'nail varnish and farty figs', 'goaty' 'cream candy (co)ca(i)ne' and 'expelled air from a bouncy castle', you know it's at least interesting. Oh, and 'figgy piggy' / 'hamnanas & rumtanas' on the taste. Intriguing..

The air infiltrated with sea spray and smoke, possibly a bit more pungent like the smoke from a cigarette bin fire. Fresh in the form of fuchsias, strawberries, cluster cherries, borderline mushy green grapes but also punchy and spirity like solvent and new make.

There were lots of floral things being brought up, but the tone wasn't that glowing: outdoors but indoors (like a greenhouse), a bad flower, parma violets - parma violence -, tomato pheromones, and those small white flowers in a flower arrangement.

Yikes, well now the party's started - it's a full-mooner, and there's a raging inferno of wasp stings, curry leaves, beef sherbet, Kendal mint cake and jalapeno peppers (stuffed with cheese for good measure) . And just in case you weren't convinced of its strength, someone i...

Japanese crabs, tumbledriers and 'accidentally snorting orange juice' provided a summary that's pretty darn hard to interpret. Add to that acetone, eucalyptus and oesophageal burn and you're getting a gnat's breath closer to perception, but sherry came through at the end to ...

The French have burnt their toast in here with sweet maple syrup, cherry tunes, Werther's Originals, cola cubes and evaporated lime cordial thrown in to hide the taste.

A Hungarian walks out of a smokey yurt having eaten a goulash (peppery and paprika), through the mossy earth and plunges into a dodgy lagoon full of snakes and crabs

It's like waking up to some horrific morning after a party - a salty Ginster's pasty, charcoal, post vomit mouthwash, Andrew's salts, flat coke and something undefinable mushy and unpleasant.

Cherry lip death and very drunken bananas. Like all the condiments I like: Worcester sauce, Tabasco, ketchup, brown sauce and vinegar. And rinds of various kinds.

It depends on how you like your sailors but this one had been out at sea for at least 40 days and was starting to absorb the aromas of the remaining fermenting bananas and gooseberries.

Sean Bean is also definitely here with some jelly beans. He described the taste as “imagination of the X-files under-the-skin crawly alien� at which point we asked him to leave.

I have a soft spot for dark wood.